Post by Aleara on Jun 24, 2004 16:15:44 GMT -5
This isn't really a completely literature related post, but I got this email, and I thought "Hay! This would be fun to post on the board!" And so now, I do so.
>We have a tough language.......
>
>We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became
>oxen not oxes.
>
>One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose should
>never be meese.
>
>You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; yet the plural of house is
>houses, not hice.
>
>If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of pan be
>called pen?
>
>If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot, would a
>pair be called beet?
>
>If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the plural of
>booth be called beeth?
>
>Then one may be that, and three would be those, yet hat in the plural would
>never be hose,
>and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
>
>We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother, we
>never say methren.
>
>Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the feminine,
>she, shis and shim.
>
>Some other reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English:
>1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
>2) The farm was used to produce produce.
>3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
>4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
>5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
>6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
>7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present
>the present.
>8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
>9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
>10) I did not object to the object.
>11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid..
>12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
>13) They were too close to the door to close it.
>14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
>15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
>16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
>17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
>18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
>19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
>20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
>21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
>22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
>
>Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind! For example ... If you have a
>rough cough, climbing can be tough when going through the bough on a tree!
>
>Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor
>ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
>
>English muffins weren't invented in England.
>
>We take English for granted.
>But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly,
>boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
>In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
>Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
>Have noses that run and feet that smell?
>How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a
>wise guy are opposites?
>You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can
>burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and
>in which an alarm goes off by going on.
>We have a tough language.......
>
>We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became
>oxen not oxes.
>
>One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose should
>never be meese.
>
>You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; yet the plural of house is
>houses, not hice.
>
>If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of pan be
>called pen?
>
>If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot, would a
>pair be called beet?
>
>If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the plural of
>booth be called beeth?
>
>Then one may be that, and three would be those, yet hat in the plural would
>never be hose,
>and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
>
>We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother, we
>never say methren.
>
>Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the feminine,
>she, shis and shim.
>
>Some other reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English:
>1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
>2) The farm was used to produce produce.
>3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
>4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
>5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
>6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
>7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present
>the present.
>8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
>9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
>10) I did not object to the object.
>11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid..
>12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
>13) They were too close to the door to close it.
>14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
>15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
>16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
>17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
>18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
>19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
>20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
>21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
>22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
>
>Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind! For example ... If you have a
>rough cough, climbing can be tough when going through the bough on a tree!
>
>Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor
>ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
>
>English muffins weren't invented in England.
>
>We take English for granted.
>But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly,
>boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
>In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
>Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
>Have noses that run and feet that smell?
>How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a
>wise guy are opposites?
>You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can
>burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and
>in which an alarm goes off by going on.